Frustration

I am really frustrated right now. I want to do this...I really really do. But M has to have some stake in this too. Something that makes him want to be homeschooled. The more I think about this, the more I think that I'm being wrong-headed in thinking that he should wantto be homeschooled. I want it, and that's that. He's 10, so is it really his responsibility to want to be schooled? No. He has to go to school, no matter the location. Do kids his age really want to go to school? Likely not.

Ok, so moving right along...

Part of the reason I didn't want to start HSing him until January is because of exactly what's happening. M's little brother is in public school and he's been tracked out for 3 weeks (went back 12/5) and then will be on holiday break on 12/21. So basically 12 school days between the 2 breaks. I don't teach M while J is tracked out or on holiday...it wouldn't work. So these 12 days, now 5 days, have been more about home learning than academic learning. The problem is that I still feel that push...guilt almost...to work on academic stuff. I just attempted to introduce a lesson on social skills and that went nowhere. M was unresponsive or quietly responsive when we were talking about emotions and feelings, and it left me really really frustrated with him and with the situation. I guess this is where I have to remind myself that homeschooling is not always going to fun or interesting to him, but there are things that he HAS to learn whether he wants to or not. And social skills is one of those things.

I feel explosive right now...like *something* must change or my head will explode. I get this way sometimes...when I am frustrated to the point of screaming. This frustration, though, comes a bit from the situation described above, but more so because my child didn't do his chores last week, one of which is keeping the cat litter clean. I told him to clean it and change the cat pad (we have one of those Breeze boxes where the cat pees, but it all goes through these little holes in the box down to a drawer that has an absorbent pad in it). He pulled the drawer out and the whole thing was pull of pee...and it got everywhere. By everywhere, I mean all over my carpet around where the cat litter box is, as well as wherever else he dripped it when moving the drawer into the bathroom to clean it. He DOESN'T PAY ATTENTION. If he had. much of this mess could have been avoided. But that's the nature of his disability, so I can't really be angry AT him. I'm really angry about the situation...and the cat. Actually, if he had done his chores last week, ALL of this could have been avoided. But that's partly my fault. I've gotten into the habit of reminding the kids to do their chores, and sometimes even paying them when they don't do them. :O No more. We are turning over a new leaf of following through. Chores will be done, playroom will be kept clean and they will pick up after themselves (food, dishes, clothes, toys, etc) or no chore money will be given. NONE. I'm tired of it and I feel like a broken record. So perhaps money is the currency to which they will listen. In other words, they may get NONE.

I know that I also feel angry or frustrated when I'm not prepared or organized, or I don't feel good about a lesson I'm going to do. So over the next couple of weeks, I need to take a hard look at what I want to teach and find interesting ways to teach it. I really need to get out of the mindset of him having to learn things in a certain amount of time, and just do what it takes to keep him interested in most of the lessons we do. That may mean more walks outside talking about social studies, more visual things like handouts or writing on the whiteboard (that hubs brought home for us last week!) or even silly stuff like dancing while we work. I know what doesn't work, now I need to find what does work.

And I have to balance all this with keeping my business afloat and items going out the door, as well as finding new business.

I can do it...I just have to figure out how. :)